How many times we are in a conversation that zones us out of it but once we notice our counterpart, we can’t help but notice the passion with which they speaks? The other person euphorically shares what they did with their team, how they achieved their goals in an epic manner and were the hero of their company, but we can only try to hold back a yawn since it does not relate with our situation.
This happens mainly when one of the parties is interested in talking more about a topic and not so much with the other person, something they die to share regardless of the level of interest of others. We notice it with people with a certain degree of narcissism or those who are feeling an increase in self-esteem due to something good that happened to them, displaying some magnetism thanks to the confidence they emanate but can’t manage to connect with their interlocutor. The same happens when someone is selling something without knowing what the other part needs, we are trying to convey a message, get a benefit from the other person but we are not treating it as such, we are treating them as a mean to fulfill an economic or personal objective, a validation of a decision that only affects us, or simply a social positioning.
A conversation is something fluid where two people share a moment, but it is more than just words. We can always find a synchronized dance when there is a synergy, when there is a connection between the participants, sharing much more than what is really being said. The physiology of rapport is a state characterized by three ingredients. First is absolute attention, second is non-verbal synchrony (due to oscillating neurons), and the third is positivity (activity in the left-prefrontal part of the brain). This type of interaction, according to the Harvard Business Review, is called a "human moment".
When was the last time we reached this state naturally? Many times we are conditioned to have vague conversations saying the same things, touching superficial and safe topics due to fear of rejection if the other person does not like something that we are passionate or arouses negative emotions and ends in a conflict. We only end up having important talks when we need something from the other person, and even then we are making the talk about us, we don’t try to connect, treating the other person as a means to an end as we mentioned before. We have conversations called "me-it", not "me-you".
An important quality of people with a high level of Emotional Intelligence is being able to generate links with other people in a natural way, connections that will help them in future moments of need, and this is because they constantly seek to form honest bonds with others. They have conversations that can be superficial and fun, or direct and important. They talk about topics such as "If you were a dog, what race would you be?", breaking the ice, having light conversations that are the ones that open the door to more important ones, helping to generate those relationships with people who, when they need it the most , they will be by their side. Who knows? Maybe the person who sits in front of you feels identified with a chiguagua and it turns out that he has a family member in a serious condition, but I doubt very much that he will share it with anyone because he will think that it is not worth wasting the time of others.
Try to have these human moments with your family and community this next weekend. We advise you to look a little more than what you can find a few meters away. The days when you are not trapped by the monotony, take advantage of trying to know more about the people around us, give them your attention and find out what makes them energetic, a conversation from I to you. In those days, develop your links with the people around you now, catch up on what is happening with your important people and help them with what they need. Enjoy the pleasure of being able to see the growth of others since that will enrich you and give you peace of mind. Many times helping others find their way is how you find yours, but it is quite difficult to do so when one monopolizes the conversations.
Discover your empathy, try to have a meal in these next days where the cell phone is prohibited and we have at least three main topics to talk about, to catch up. Discuss and get excited about what you can do this coming summer, no matter if you do not, just visualize it. Ask yourself questions that may be unusual or that you think you only give a three word answer because the other person could find it very interesting, you never know until you get it.